THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BOYS AND GIRLS

Being blessed to be a mother to one of each sex has been an interesting journey. From the minute they're born you notice the difference - not just the obvious biological one! Little boys reach out to toy cars and go brum, brum before they can even say mama and little girls will pick up a doll and hug it to their chests lovingly, while muttering unintelligble things in its ear. Then as they grow up the differences grow - little boys don't mind being dirty, in fact the dirtier the better, whereas little girls like to be clean and care about what you dress them in. I thought this would change as my son got older but taking, my now 20 year old son shopping, I realise nothing's changed. We wonder through Edgars and I say "Isn't there anything you need". Giving a cursory glance around he answers "No, not really." This is repeated in about three different shops - we were in fact looking for flip flops which is his general shoewear all year around, along with his tatty shorts. What struck me as so different is if I'd had my 18 year old daughter with me and taken her through the same shops my credit card would have been seriously damaged. He did give in to some new underwear, which was odd as I'd bought him some quite recently. "Where was it," I enquired? Not in some girl's res room as I was wondering, but "with all the lost socks - wherever they go". Girls would never lose their underwear - at least not in this way...

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COOKING BY PHONE..

It had to happen - son moves from res to digs at UCT and the inevitable phone call comes. "Mum, how do you cook mince?" Now this, as any self respecting cook will know, is a tricky question. After all having grown up on school lunches in the UK, until I was around 20 I thought all mince was grey... It turned out he was making his six housemates tacos, so at least he had some vague instructions on the box, together with a packet of herbs and some sauce. "Ok, Rob chop up three onions and cook them slowly 'til they're brown." "That's easy," came the confident reply. "Good - then when that's done add your mince, turn up the light and cook 'til it's brown and then add some chopped tomatoes, tomato puree".. and I gave him the rest of the recipe. An hour went by before my phone beeped with a 'please call me' - students don't actually make phone calls to their parents, just please call me's. "How do you know when mince is brown?" came the question. Now to most people this would be obvious, but unfortunately my son inherited my father's colour blindness. "How long have you been 'browning' boy?" "Quite a while," came the reply. I could almost see the greyness before me. I then advised him to immediately chuck everything else him, turn it down after it had come to the boil and hope for the best." A while went by before the next phone call "How do you know how much salt to put in". An emergency light went on in my mind with a vision of him adding it by the tablespoon - I quickly asked "You haven't put any in yet have you?" "No, not yet". He was quite surprised when I suggested adding it very slowly. A couple of hours later I got an sms "Dinner worked out well" luv yu, Rob." Can't wait for the next lesson - hope it's not curry.

Jargon - the curse of the 21st century!

Just recently I gave a workshop to the communications department of one of SA's top companies. Before the course they sent me a sample of their in house publications which I ploughed through - ploughed being the operative word here. Apart from the usual dreaded 'hatched, matched and despatched' there was a collection of jargon second to none. When I went through these with them they were rolling about laughing - but when I told them I took them from their publications they looked a bit surprised. Is it because we've got so used to using these ridiculous expressions in our everyday lives that we don't even notice them anymore? Here's just a sample of some of them.

•deployed – exacerbated – full complement of – interventions – channel contributions – integral – culture of inclusion – sustainable – diversity - inclusion on a global basis – meritocracy – embedded – impacted severely – non-conformances – tasked with – economic imperative.

Can you imagine if we all talked this way. You'd say to your partner 'So darling, do you think we should have a little diversity tonight and have the Jones's around - or maybe we should just stay embedded at home, but this could severely impact on our economic imperatives and lead us to a culture of inclusion - so maybe we should look at something more sustainable...

Doesn't anyone speak English anymore?